If you’re looking for a serious long term relationship, then it’s a waste of time to go on a second date with the wrong person. Of course, they may appear nice and well mannered, but they could be such a bad idea. While on your first date, there’re some red flags to watch out for to save you the pain of a broken heart and broken trust.
Don’t be discouraged, for we all have to kiss a few frogs before we find the one. In as much as you can’t make conclusions on someone’s character through a single date, some things are just too obvious to ignore. So while love might be blind, these tips are not. They will help you know right off the bat if your date is bae material or someone that still has a lot of work to do on his or herself.
Here are 10 red flags to watch out for on a first date…
#1. A person who doesn’t respect your boundaries
If he attempts to stretch your sexual boundaries by wanting to take you home even after you’ve made your stand clear, run. Unless of course, you’re trying to get laid (which honestly makes no sense on a first date). Let’s get real, you agreed to this date in order to begin the “knowing process”, so this should remain the focus. When he’s excessively touch-y and getting too close for comfort, that’s a warning.
#2. Late: sorry not sorry
We understand the unpredictable nature of big city traffic, so being late for a date could happen to anyone. However, the red flag is failure to mention you’ll be running late and why.
It is extremely embarrassing waiting around for someone, ignorant of their whereabouts. Worse still, they strut in without taking the time to apologize or even explain. He/she needs to value your time and it is worth pointing out unless you want a habit to be made out of it — if you decide to continue dating such a person. But remember, it isn’t okay to write someone off until you hear their side of the story; it might be traffic, out-of-network coverage, or low battery.
#3. Criticizes everything
A negative comment about your appearance, even when laced with a joke, is certainly a red flag. Sometimes, it may not be a comment about you but that doesn’t change the warning. Whether it’s badmouthing the waiter, whining about the food, or shredding their exes, this person is a bad idea. You may be on a date with a narcissist.
First dates are meant for putting your best foot out, so if their best foot is to be rude and critical of others while trying to be sweet to you, know that it’s a matter of time before you become the next victim.
#4. Oh! I forgot my wallet!!
The general rule is “you ask, you pay,” unless you both had the discussion on bills prior to your meeting. If your date starts fiddling with his pockets and when you can’t stand the embarrassment, you offer to pay and they quickly accept without any mention of reimbursing you, that for sure is a red flag.
How convenient! You don’t want to end up doing the dishes for the restaurant as payment next time if you don’t have funds on you, so take a closer look at this guy. This may show up later as either a stingy, manipulating or unstable person.
#5. Difference in basic belief systems
If you’re a religious person and your date has dissed religion (yours inclusive) subtly or directly during the course of your date, trust your guts because that’s a whole war about to happen between you two in the future. Better to leave now and stay happy later.
#6. Your date is so self engrossed
“Oh! I love… I can’t stand… I always…” with little or no interest in you. This should tell you where you’re headed. Also, being on the phone or eyes fixed on a big screen and generally being absent while present is a huge turn-off. If on a first date, you couldn’t be a priority then that’s an insight into a relationship where you will always play second fiddle.
#7. They make random chauvinistic comments
If he makes any comment about “women are this” or “women do that,” be wary. It shows there’s a gender war already on a first date, and this is a major relationship killer. It’s casual misogyny that will become a lot less casual as the relationship goes on. Save yourself the stress and forget about a second date.
#8. They need your help already
This should scream con artist. Given, we all have needs but keep it to yourself on the first date. This is very popular, especially amongst the female folks. They claim they need money for rent and their landlord is threatening to kick them out or they claim to be ill or have developed a faulty phone. FYI, if your date claims they need a significant sum of money, especially on a first date, chances are they aren’t here for a real relationship but they’re trying to leach on you.
#9. They don’t put enough thoughts into their appearance
Date outfit ideas are always a reoccurring question. It is not about getting all fancy for your date but it is unacceptable to show up stinking and/or unkempt for a first date or any date for that matter! It shows there was zero thought put into the date or even you. If while on the date, they get drunk or exhibit embarrassing behavior without care given, this shows they may really not care for themselves that much, and neither will they care about you!
#10. Do they offer to walk you or hurry off?
If no, they’re just not that into you. Independent or not, they should offer to know how you’re getting home. When your date hurries off, then maybe they didn’t have as much fun and just needed to get rid of you. There might be exceptions of genuine emergencies but you would tell if they sincerely care and want to see you again. Saying goodnight and then hurrying off, leaving you standing alone on a dimly lit and empty street, that’s probably not the one for you.
According to Dylan O’Brein, “The perfect date is the one where anything and everything goes wrong, but at the end of it, all you want is to see them again.” But the question is: do you honestly want to see them again or are you just desperate?
Not to worry, when the right one shows up, they might not be perfect but you will know. Good luck!
Featured image: Angela Roma | Pexels –Dating in Lagos, Abuja, Accra, Johannesburg, New York, Nairobi, America, black love, black relationships
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