Sometimes in a relationship, everything becomes so routine and boring and while we may choose to keep going with the tide, a time will always come when the dissatisfaction starts to tell on us. While you’re busy looking up ways to tell your partner what you want in bed remember it’s not what you say but how you say it that really matters.
Do you keep waxing your private areas hoping that your partner would instinctively get the hint that you’re dying for a head and then become disappointed when they fail your mind-reading test? Sustaining intimacy in a relationship is a deliberate effort and you have to be bold and specific about what you want if you’re going to enjoy it for long. It’s like ordering for shoes online and getting a dress instead – no matter how great that dress is, it still isn’t what YOU want.
Some of us just flow with the tide and are happy, but many are not. Whatever the case may be, we all know that telling your partner what you want in bed can be an awkward conversation; one that might go right or wrong depending on their mood, your tone or the overall state of your relationship at the time. If done wrong you might end up hurting your partner’s feelings and creating a tense time in the bedroom.
The sex talk doesn’t have to be so weird, get what you want in bed by trying out these effective tips…
1. Make sure you connect outside the bedroom
It’s not rocket science to notice a decline in your sex life when you and your partner are not getting along. It could be that you’re fighting too much lately or you’ve been too busy which resulted in neglecting your partner intentionally or otherwise. It could also be that you’ve gotten bored with your sex life so the desire has totally plateaued. This is not the best time to make sexual demands or directly state what is missing romantically because it would most likely be misunderstood.
Try being more intentional about fixing your relationship flow outside the sheets. Do things like going out for an intimate dinner or fixing their favourite meals or watching a new series. Better yet, do something totally new – like a trip to a museum you’ve never visited or schedule a luxury spa session. This emotional bonding would naturally lead to a new spark and help the sex talk play out smoothly – if you still need to have one.
2. Write down what you want in bed, it’ll be fun
Some individuals are better at written words and this could even spice things up. Drop notes at different places in the house for them to pick up or suggest a game where you both write down what you want in bed and then exchange it for the other to read.
Take it a notch higher by sexting all through the day. This way you tell them what you want while setting their nether regions on fire all day long. The only thought on their mind will be to get home and make your wish come true. Be ready to play though, you’ve got yourself a personal genie!
3. Watch a romantic movie
Sometimes our egos get in the way and the sex talk becomes pretty awkward and talking about it is like walking on eggshells. In as much as it’s a dicey situation to be in because you don’t want to be misunderstood or to hurt your partner by giving them the wrong impression, would you rather not talk about it? That’s costly. This is where you get creative.
Plan a movie date and go see a romantic movie. As the characters in the movie do things you like, blush and make sure your partner notices you doing it. He’ll get the point. You can also watch a romantic series at home and make sure the atmosphere is perfect enough in case you two need to make your own movie. No camera allowed though.
4. Show your partner what you want in bed instead of saying it
Where words fail, actions speak volumes. Your partner would be more comfortable if you show them what you want in a sexy manner and maybe have them do to you what they want as well. This would totally make sex time a very enjoyable moment for both of you. It might also help you avoid the awkward conversation and go straight to business and your partner would easily understand what to do with you guiding them. This gesture can almost never go wrong. Your partner would be thrilled and your sex life would be set ablaze for good.
5. Turn complaints into compliments
Instead of saying “I don’t like when you do…” why not say “I’d love if you do…” this could make a huge difference. It would surprise you how motivating compliments could be. Partners respond better when your approach is kind. Complaints make your partner feel pressured and inadequate.
When they try it out correctly, moan in response as this inspires them to do even more and that’s a win-win situation. Be kind enough to return the favour by asking them to show you what they want as well. This reciprocatory bonding would definitely continue even after bedtime leading to a stronger relationship, overall.
6. Ask them what they want too
With this approach, try not to make it look like you’re dissatisfied with your sex life but being open for more adventure. Whatever you do, don’t bring this up immediately after sex. At the right time, ask them how you can pleasure them better in bed and if there’s something they’re really not getting. If your partner successfully tells you what they want, this would have you two looking forward to the next sheet session or it just might get started right away. Wink! They naturally would ask you what you want as well – another win-win situation. How pleasant!
No matter what approach you try out, remember not to relegate your feelings and wants to the background. You should be comfortable enough to talk about sex with your partner as long as you’re kind and not sounding critical. Be rest assured, if done right, this could lead to a more satisfying and fulfilling relationship.
Photo credit: Getty Images | Cover Illustration: IG @koketit
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