f you’re looking for a serious long term relationship, then it is a waste of time to go on a second date with the wrong person. Sure, they might appear to be pretty cool, respectful and well mannered on your first date but if they check into more than one of these boxes, then you might as well leave them in friend zone right away.
Don’t be discouraged, for we all have to kiss a few frogs before we find the one. In as much as you can’t make conclusions on someone’s character through a single date, some things are just too obvious to ignore. So, while love might be blind, these tips are not. They will help you know right off the bat if your date is bae material or someone that still has a lot of work to do on his or herself.
Here are 10 red flags to watch out for on a first date…
1. A person who doesn’t respect your boundaries
Unless of course you’re trying to get laid and don’t care how, it is a major red flag when your date insists on doing a take out or a first date at “my place,” tries to get you drunk or doesn’t understand why you’re making a fuss about a sketchy date venue he chose. If he attempts to stretch your sexual boundaries by wanting to take you home even after you’ve made your stand clear. RUN!!!!
Your undies might be the next exchange for a Benz. This is clearly a chop and clean mouth scenario. Such a person hasn’t grown enough to realize that your needs for safety and boundaries should be respected. Better let them learn on someone else.
2. Late: sorry not sorry
We understand the unpredictable nature of big city traffic, so being late for a date could happen to anyone but the red flag is not informing your date you would be running late and why.
It is extremely embarrassing waiting around for someone, ignorant of their whereabouts. It starts to feel like you have been catfished. Worse still, they strut in without taking the time to explain why they’re late but jump into a conversation like all is well – that is a major ill manners alert. He or she needs to value your time and it is worth pointing out unless you want a habit to be made out of it – if you decide to continue dating such a person. But remember, it isn’t okay to write someone off until you hear their side of the story; it might be traffic, out of network coverage or low battery?
3. Criticizes everything
They might have thrown in a negative comment about your appearance and laced it with a joke – stay woke because chances are they mean it. Then they rip the waiters to shred and whine continuously about the food or can’t stop yammering about how terrible their exes were. You may be on a date with a narcissist.
First dates are meant for putting your best foot out, so if their best foot is to be rude and critical of others while trying to be sweet to you, know that it’s a matter of time before you become the next victim.
4. Oh! I forgot my wallet!!
The general rule is “you ask, you pay,” unless you both had the discussion on bills prior to your meeting. If your date starts fiddling with his pockets and when you can’t stand the embarrassment, you offer to pay and they quickly accept without any mention of reimbursing you, that for sure is a red flag.
How convenient! You don’t want to end up doing the dishes for the restaurant as payment next time if you don’t have funds on you – so take a closer look at this guy. This might show up later on as either a stingy, manipulating or unstable person.
5. Difference in basic belief systems
The earlier the better, if you’re a religious person and your date has dissed religion (yours inclusive) subtly or directly during the course of your date, trust your guts because that’s a whole war about to happen between you two in future.
6. Your date is so self engrossed
“Oh! I love… I can’t stand… I always…” with little or no interest in you. This should tell you where you’re headed. Also, being on the phone or eyes fixed on a big screen and generally being absent while present is a huge turn off. If on a first date, you couldn’t be priority then that’s an insight into a relationship where you will always play second fiddle.
7. They make random chauvinistic comments
If he makes any comment about “women are this” or “women do that.” If there’s a gender war already on a first date, this is a major relationship killer.
It’s casual misogyny that will become a lot less casual as the relationship goes on. Save yourself the stress and forget about a second date.
8. They need your help already
This should scream con artist. Given, we all have needs but keep it to yourself on the first date. This is very popular especially amongst the female folks. They claim they need money for rent and their landlord is threatening to kick them out or they claim to be ill or have developed a faulty phone. FYI, if your date claims they need a significant sum of money, especially on a first date, chances are they aren’t here for a real relationship but they’re trying to scam you.
9. They don’t put enough thoughts into their appearance
It is not about getting all fancy for your date but it is unacceptable to show up stinking and/or unkempt for a first date or any date for that matter! It shows there was zero thought put into the date or even you. If while on the date, they get drunk or exhibit embarrassing behavior without a care given, this shows they may really not care for themselves that much and neither will they care about you!
10. Do they offer to walk you or hurry off?
If no, they’re just not that into you. Independent or not, they should offer to know how you’re getting home. If they hurry off then maybe they didn’t have as much fun and just needed to get rid of you. There might be exceptions of genuine emergencies but you would tell if they sincerely care and want to see you again. If they say goodnight and then hurry off, leaving you standing alone on a dimly lit and empty street, that’s probably not the one for you.
It is 2019 and “shoot your shot” season but I guess one of the marks of a good shooter is not to shoot amiss. You can decide to talk yourself into a second date for all the practical reasons: “well, I haven’t been in a relationship with anyone in a while.” “She seems alright.” “He treated me very respectfully.” Be honest with yourself and follow your instinct and these tips because your heart might be clouded.
According to Dylan O’Brein “The perfect date is the one where anything and everything goes wrong, but at the end of it, all you want is to see them again.” But the question is: do you honestly want to see them again or are you just desperate?
Not to worry, when the right one shows up, they might not be perfect but you will know. Good luck!
Photo Credit | As Captioned –Dating in Lagos, Abuja, Accra, Johannesburg, New York, Nairobi, America, black love, black relationships
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